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New Year’s resolutions from some of Houston’s most famous

December 27, 2018

Now that we are finally through with 2018 it’s time to focus on making ourselves better in 2019…or at least the first month of the year until Super Bowl Sunday binging derails our diets and Valentine’s Day ruins all those chances at being emotionally stable.

The good news is that we are all in this together as some of Houston’s biggest names and faces are also hoping to be better humans over the next 12 months.

We have Senator Ted Cruz vowing to keep growing that epic beard, Theresa from The Buzz wishing to floss her teeth more, and Brock Wagner from Saint Arnold announcing his intentions of hiring Beyoncé to play the brewery’s upcoming birthday bash.

Even Jim “Mattress Mack” McIngvale, somehow, wants to be a better person which seems crazy considering the man has become one of the most charitable people in the city.

Why do we make resolutions at the end of every year? We seem to be enticed by the clean slate that January 1 signifies, giving us a starting point for success. If you are reading this between sets at the gym, get off your phone and get back to it.

The Texican in 2019, meanwhile, will try once again to get into jazz, start using the treadmill instead of the elliptical, and finally get the misspelling on one of his tattoos fixed.

Happy New Year’s everyone.

Ted Cruz, Texas senator

“I resolve to shave... sometime before I look like Phil Robertson.”

Travis Johnson, former Houston Texans defensive tackle

“I only want to smoke three cigars a day and not five.”

Billy Gibbons, one-third of ZZ Top and guacamole aficionado

“ Avoiding all hands-free faucets that never seem to work. Or...taking bets on the one-out-of-three that might.”

Art Acevedo, Houston police chief

“I hope improve my personal fitness and to spend more time on the Houston’s streets on patrol with a team that is truly second to none.”

Sylvester Turner, Houston mayor

“As mayor of the country’s fourth largest city, I resolve to continue building a stronger and more resilient Houston. We have made exceptional strides in expanding technology and innovation, creating opportunities for entrepreneurs and job seekers, while increasing tourism, economic and trade opportunities.

While many have recovered after Hurricane Harvey, there are thousands of Houstonians who are still out of their homes. I will keep fighting for Houston’s equal share of federal dollars and once that money is received, we will help Houstonians repair and build new affordable housing.

In 2019, I will dedicate more time on my personal well-being. I plan to focus more on my faith, family and friends.

I also hope to carve out some time for personal fun. I have been challenged to learn how to swim and ice skate. So maybe you’ll catch me in the water or on the ice in 2019. I wish you all a Happy New Year and look forward to working together to build an even greater Houston!”

Jim “Mattress Mack” McIngvale, mattress dealer/ace philanthropist

“I want to be a better human being, I want to be more tolerant, and I want to encourage others more.”

Honey Moonpie, burlesque artist

“Tour more! I wanna twerk in Tokyo, bump and grind in Belize, and shimmy in Shanghai!”

Orbit, the Houston Astros’ big green

alien mascot

“Speak less and eat more.”

Ronnie Killen, chef/restaurateur/

overall enemy of Houston’s arteries

“I wish for continued health. I am down to 248 pounds now. I want to introduce a new restaurant concept every year, too. I am probably going to consolidate my burger place and make it fried chicken and burgers. I might even open a breakfast place, I have talked about kolaches, donuts, and tacos.”

Brandi Smith, KHOU-TV personality

“I’ve already started my resolutions, if you can call them that. I want to laugh more, read more, run more. I’m making an effort to get outside every day. Most importantly, I’m leaving work at work and soaking up time with people I love.”

Brock Wagner, Saint Arnold Brewing Company founder

“Read more books, work up to being able to do the Tuesday crossword puzzle, and see if we can raise enough money to get Beyoncé to play our 25th anniversary party. For a friend.”

Jay B. Sauceda, founder/CEO of the Texas Humor lifestyle brand

“My end-of-year resolution is to spend more time exploring areas of the state that I’ve never been to.”

Charles Adams, attorney to the stars and KPRC 950AM host

“Eat, drink, talk and work less. Travel, walk, and read more. Improve my radio blather. Stop pushing my kids so hard to succeed. Do some local open mics.”

Pooja Lodhia, KTRK-TV personality

“Stop checking Twitter first thing in the morning. Go into every single Buc-ee’s I pass by. Read more fiction. Encourage more young people to vote. Eat more breakfast tacos.”

Theresa Clanton, 94.5 The Buzz DJ and personality

“My resolution is to floss more! Yes, it sounds ridiculous, but it’s my adult struggle. I hate flossing.”

Eric Berger, Arts Technica writer and Space City Weather cowboy

“This year I resolve to be a writer who uses the passive voice less, because that is a big problem for me.”

Erin Austin, The Bull/100.3 FM personality

“Save enough money that if the world goes crazy, I can sustain myself for a while. Mark off at least one world wonder off my list. Be able to touch my toes again.”

Dan Pastorini, former Houston Oilers quarterback and future Houston Sports Hall of Fame inductee

“Get back in the saddle, stay the course and keep fighting’ the demons and bad guys.”

Craig Hlavaty is a Houston-based writer

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