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The Slice: Every time a bell rings, the Slice asks a question

December 23, 2018

You can’t beat a stocking stuffed with festive (and some not so festive) column items.

Well, maybe you can. But here goes anyway.

Today is Festivus: What will you include in your traditional airing of grievances?

Festering political gripes are always nice for sharing on this occasion. Are there people in your extended family who have voted in such a way as to make you believe they are among the most easily duped adults in the world? I’m sure they would love to hear from you about it.

Not a creature was stirring: Do you mention people’s pets when sending Christmas cards?

Do you include a little something for the resident animal when mailing a box of gifts to a family across the country?

Of course, you do. Let’s move on.

It’s almost here: Are you looking forward to being able to say “Happy New Year!”?

Or do you actually enjoy fighting about “Merry Christmas”/ “Happy holidays”?

A few years ago, I proposed saying “Happy New Year” starting at Thanksgiving. But I’ve never followed through on that.

Fifty years ago: Were you around for Apollo 8 in December of 1968?

Did the blue marble images of the Earth taken from lunar orbit blow your mind? How did you feel about the astronaut reading the bible passage? Did you try to find Vietnam in the pictures of our planet?

Just wondering: What does wearing a Santa hat say about you?

I guess it depends on how many beers you have had and whether or not you have just taken a wild swing at someone sitting near you at a sports event.

For those who have yet to go paperless: Does your inability to throw away old Christmas cards make you think you are destined to wind up on one of those cable shows about hoarders?

You make the call: Is it possible at this time of year to go an entire day without characterizing some prosaic occurrence as a Christmas miracle?

We’ve been here before: What immediately goes through your mind when you hear the administrator at a Catholic organization try to explain yet another sickening disclosure about a priest’s behavior?

The Spokane version: How would you finish this in a particularly local way?

Every time a bell rings …

Sometimes the ballcaps give it away: When attending a late Christmas Eve church service, how can you tell who among the other attendees regard the occasion as a spectator event more than a religious observance?

I gotcher glad tidings: At what point during the Christmas air-travel experience does the holiday vibe totally fade away?

Trumped up charges: Did you ever tear the wrapping paper just a little bit while trying to sneak a peek at your gift under the tree and then blame the cat when this misdeed was discovered by one of your parents?

Earworm o’ the season: A snippet of what Christmas song has repeatedly gotten stuck in your head over the years? (If it’s the Elvis version of “Here Comes Santa Claus,” feel free to share your impression of him singing that tune next time you see me at the store.)

Putting the bite on the yule: Should there be a Spokane support group for those who have broken a tooth on a granite-like holiday cookie?

Let it you know what: Who else remembers when it started to snow in downtown Spokane just as Christmas Eve turned into Christmas Day in 1988?

End note: Longtime Slice reader Sue Chapin saw the discussion in my column the other day about one of the pressing questions of the season. You know, the one involving the jolly guy in the red suit. It reminded her of a memorable family moment.

“When our oldest daughter came home from school one day (first grade, maybe?) she announced that a classmate told her that he didn’t believe in Santa Claus. I responded that was too bad because if you don’t believe in Santa, Santa doesn’t believe in you. There were no more questions.”

Contact the writer at srpaulturner@gmail.com.

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