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SIDELINE CHATTER: Winnipeg Football Fan Loses His Pants

December 2, 2018

Winnipeg Blue Bombers fan Chris Matthew hasn’t worn long leggings since 2001 — except on very rare occasions, to funerals and such — after making an ill-fated vow just before that year’s Grey Cup game he wouldn’t wear them again until the Bombers won the CFL title. A safe bet, he thought at the time. “They were 14-4, and they were playing 8-10 Calgary. I thought it was a no-brainer,” Matthew told CBC News. “Apparently I’m the no-brainer. Seventeen more years, I’m still waiting. “Nobody I know in my circle of friends even bats an eye anymore. I do get odd looks in grocery stores and on the street and things.” NFL quiz Michael Vick advised the Ravens’ Lamar Jackson to “proceed with caution” when it comes to: a) running too much as an NFL quarterback b) choosing his off-the-field activities Down goes Rocky In the biggest upset of 2018, Rocky Balboa retired before Tom Brady did. Still in hock According to one report, 28 percent of shoppers are still in debt from their spending last Christmas. “2018? How about 2013?” said the Mariners, still on the hook for $120 million to Robinson Cano. Tie, tie again The first 12 games of the World Chess Championship between Norway’s Magnus Carlsen and Fabiano Caruana of the U.S. produced zero wins and 12 draws. “Hey, trying coming up with your own schtick next time,” said Major League Soccer. The ultimate flop Ballybrack, an amateur Irish soccer team, got its upcoming match against Arklow Town canceled by incorrectly claiming that one of its players had been killed in a motorcycle accident. We’ve heard of faking soccer injuries before, guys, but ... c’mon. Heard in passing Kenny Stills says he and other Dolphins receivers continually get open, but “I can’t throw the ball to myself.” Coincidence? Stills just got added to the watch list for the Gisele Bundchen Trophy. Quote marks ■ Manish Mehta of the New York Daily News, on the diminishing production of Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski, 29: “The hot tub that Gronk lounges in (with or without adult film stars) isn’t a time machine. He’s Bernie … and the weekend is nearly upon us.” ■ Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, on ex-Eastern Washington QB Bo Levi Mitchell of the Calgary Stampeders, this year’s Grey Cup MVP: “I’m a BoLevier.” ■ RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, after gold medalist Ryan Fry and his team got tossed out of a curling tournament for showing up drunk: “Let he or she that has never been stoned throw the first rock.” Want-Ad of the Year Kelly Sowatsky, 31, received a desperately needed kidney from a fellow Penguins fan after flashing a homemade sign reading “Calling all hockey fans! I need a kidney! Gratefully yours, Kelly” at a Pens game last April. “I saw desperation, I saw courage and I saw she needed help,” Jeff Lynd told ABC. “I knew that my blood type matched. I had this feeling it was something I just had to do.” These guys are strict “Unsportsmanlike conduct … on all players … from both teams,” announced the referee following a brawl in the Mississippi State-Ole Miss game that resulted in four players getting ejected. And if that didn’t stem the mayhem, officials admitted later, then it would have been … double-secret probation!

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