MIKE’S LIFE: Random thoughts rattling around my head

October 3, 2018

Today, just a few random thoughts that have been rattling around in that cavernous place I call a head:

• My son was carded for buying a drink recently. This was problematic on two fronts: (1) He is 15 and does not have an ID and (2) He was not trying to buy anything forbidden for his age. After much polite discussion with the clerk and a trip to the handheld Google machine, he was able to convince the clerk that he did not, in fact, have to be 18 to buy a Monster energy drink. Truth be told, I think they should card for those, and if you are 25 or older, the clerk should say, “Nope, you’re old enough to know better.”

• I would like to award a Nobel Prize of some sort to the person who figured out that dog treats should taste slightly less like poison and more like a delicious snack. It was just a few years ago that giving my dog his flea treatment involved a laborious wrestling match that would invariably involved my hand going half-way down a slobbery throat and then holding his mouth shut while rocking his head back and forth, all the while he would give me the, “Why, human? Why!?!?!?” look. Now, they look (and apparently taste) like little sausages, and he gets super excited when it’s time for treatment. I can only guess it took this long to get those because they person was busy perfecting kids’ cough syrup to taste more like bubblegum and less like a liquor/acid combination.

• Folks who walk your dogs, and then use a plastic baggie to scoop up the dog mess, and then leave said plastic bag right there on the trail, quick question – what happened to make you this person? I will be happy to hear you out so you can get it off your chest and then never, ever do that again.

• Just a quick reminder that no one ever wants to see you chewing gum. Ever. Especially at work.

• We also know that you love your music, but that doesn’t mean everyone else wants to hear it.

• Same goes with conversations on the phone, in particular if you are a clerk at a store.

• Chew gum, talk on the phone, and blare the music in the store you are clerking at, all at the same time? You’re the person who leaves the dog bags on the trail, aren’t you?

• Now to abandon the negative – your car keys are you best reminder. Any time you are out somewhere and have a package, your sunglasses, etc. that you don’t want to forget? Leave your car keys with them. Regardless of how forgetful you may be, you will not drive off without your car keys. If you are the exceptionally forgetful type, enlist a friend and tell them of your strategy, so rather than spending an hour looking for your keys, your friend can remind you, “They’re in the fridge with your milk, Bob.”

• I have had many unexpressed thoughts. As have many of you. But we should all remember the old saying that my great-great-grandmother used to say, “Seriously? Did you need to put that on Facebook? SMH.” She was quite ahead of her time.

• Now that it is October and, at least so far as the calendar says, fall, quick show of hands who is waiting for the first slightly cool day so you can declare the first day of making chili is officially upon us? Thought so. Cornbread or Fritos?

That is all for now. I’m off to walk my dog. When I am done properly disposing the plastic baggie, I may head to the store to do some shopping, maybe even get an early jump on my chili supplies, in anticipation of the pending cooler weather.

And, of course, I’ll cap off my jaunt to the store in the perfect manner: By returning my cart to the corral.

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