Son reacts to news his dad is not his biological father by sweeping it under the rug
Adapted from a recent online discussion.
I have been married to my husband for over 30 years. We have a 30-year-old son who is not the biological offspring of my husband. My husband has been aware of this since before my son’s birth.
When my son finished college, my husband and I told him this. We advised that we were willing to answer any questions and that if he was interested, his biological father was willing to meet him, or answer questions, etc. My son was upset and has never mentioned it again.
It’s been 10 years now, and I am wondering, is this normal? Do I have any other responsibilities?
-- DNA and Denial
No, you have no other responsibilities.
Is it normal? Certainly seems within the range -- some people just don’t want to talk about stuff. There’s a tendency I think to pathologize this, but as long as a person is functioning well on the sleeping-dog plan, I don’t see any reason anyone should start waking stuff up. He knows, so, it’s up to him now.
My 25-year-old daughter has been really good friends with a 65-year-old man through a shared hobby. He is not your average 65-year-old -- he is somewhat ageless. He is also extremely respectful and accepting of all people. My daughter is also not like others her age. She relates to older people well and always has.
Recently, their relationship has veered toward the romantic, somewhat to their dismay. They both accept this has many drawbacks and may not end well. They would hate to lose their friendship over this. When she told me, I was very supportive because of what I see between the two of them. My husband is sort of OK with it too. I would like your take on this, though I am afraid to ask since you have not met either of them.
Two adults? Love is love.
I am sorry to hear you were afraid to ask. I haven’t bitten anyone in months.
After years of infertility and two miscarriages, I just found out I’m pregnant again. I feel numb, like I shouldn’t get excited because I might jinx myself. I’m also nervous. How do I stay the course until I can have an ultrasound and get a better sense of whether this pregnancy will stick?
You just get there however you can get there -- watch good movies and TV or read books to distract you, cook or go out for healthy things to feed you, talk to laid-back people to calm and support you. If weather permits, get outside somewhere beautiful.
A common saying on pregnancy and loss boards is, “Today I am pregnant.” Make that your mantra. It could help keep you in the moment rather than obsessing about future what-ifs.
-- In the Moment
Thank you. A few people wrote in to suggest this, which reminds me of how established and strong the support resources are for people dealing with infertility. Resolve.org is a good place to start.