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The Birdie stress eating after season-opening struggles in Westmoreland County

September 23, 2018

Last week: 5-3 (.625)

Season: 5-3 (.625)

It doesn’t take much to impress the Birdie. So when the area’s prep football expert found a viral video clip of Cleveland Browns assistant Bob Wylie and his well-rounded stomach twitching each time the coach yelled, “hut,” Mr. Birdie became mesmerized.

“Just beautiful stuff,” Birdie said. “Perfect synchronicity. Couldn’t stop watching. I went into the men’s room, lifted up my WCCA T-shirt and tried to mimic that motion in the mirror. Couldn’t do it. Time to eat more pizza and hot dogs on game nights I suppose.”

The Birdie did some stress-eating after he stumbled to a 5-3 record in Week Zero.

“Southmoreland kicked me square in the gut,” he said. “What a win for that outfit. And Derry got me again! If I had a nickel for every Derry game I picked right, well, let’s just say I couldn’t shop at the local dime store.”

Friday

North Allegheny (1-0) at Norwin (1-0)

“Statement games change reputations. Norwin has a real shot here to take down a perennial power. But it’s NA so, N-O.” North Allegheny, 23-20

P-T (0-1) at Gateway (1-0)

The Birdie loves rematches. But he thinks Gateway still has an edge over the young Warriors. Gateway, 28-17

Plum (1-0) at Franklin Regional (0-0)

Plum will do just enough to get past the neighboring Panthers, whom the Birdie thinks should have played a game last week. Plum, 21-16

Latrobe (0-1) at Penn Hills (1-0)

Penn Hills will “air it out like my dirty laundry,” Birdie says. Penn Hills 38-14

Ambridge (0-1) at Belle Vernon (0-0)

The Birdie saw Belle Vernon playing mini golf last week instead of a Week Zero game. “They must be coming up aces.” Belle Vernon, 28-14

Trinity (0-0) at Greensburg Salem (0-1)

Greensburg Salem likes to put trivia up on its scoreboard. “Here’s one: Which team has more experience? If you guessed Golden Lions, you win a brass ring.” GS, 26-14

Hopewell (0-1) at Mt. Pleasant (0-1)

The new lights will come on at Mt. Pleasant, but the Vikings will remain the dark after the loss to Southmoreland. Hopewell, 20-15

Yough (0-1) at Uniontown (0-1)

Yough will have a tough time hitting the road for its conference opener, but the defense should play better. Yough, 32-26

Southmoreland (1-0) at Frazier (0-1)

The last time Southmoreland started 2-0? Try 2003, the last time they had a winning season. “Listen to them Scottie dogs bark.” Southmoreland, 20-16

Monessen (0-0) at Cal (0-1)

California was surprisingly thumped last week, and Monessen had its opener canceled. “Trojans at home.” Cal, 28-20

Riverview (0-0) at Greensburg C.C. (1-0)

GCC had not scored 41 points in a game since 2015. The Centurions will keep the scoring coming. GCC, 30-13

Jeannette (1-0) at Leechburg (1-0)

Leechburg scored a big win at Apollo-Ridge but won’t be able to slow down Jeannette. Jeannette, 36-6

Penns Manor (1-0) at Ligonier Valley (1-0)

Ligonier Valley plays in District 6, but the Birdie said the Rams play in “another dimension.” Ligonier Valley, 40-7

Saturday

Hempfield (1-0) at P-R (0-1)

The Birdie is not a fan of Saturday afternoon games, and he hears Hempfield is in agreement. Pine-Richland has too much size and depth. Pine-Richland, 44-20

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