D.C. Republicans don’t like D.C. Republicans

October 9, 2018


A jackass enters a D.C. bar, hoofs it to the bar and seats herself on a stool.

The barkeep slides an Old Grandad coaster her way and asks, “What’ll it be?”

Undecided, she mutters “a glass of water.”

The elephant to her right raises a shot glass and suggests whiskey, and the barkeep pauses for a signal.

“Thanks, but no thanks,” the jackass replies.

The barkeep fills a glass with water and places it on the coaster.

Exhausted from kicking up her heels all day on Capitol Hill, the jackass begins guzzling the water, then quickly spits it out.

“What’s the matter?” asks the elephant.

The jackass replies, “This is the most brackish water I ever tasted.”

The barkeep replies with a straw in each hand and asks, “Yeah, well, paper or plastic?”

The nation’s capital has been breeding progressive voters for so long that when real Republicans turn up on a ballot, social and fiscal conservatives think RINO and Democrats look for candidates who are designated by a “D” or “independent.”

There are scores of candidates on the D.C. ballots this November. Most of them are Democrats, and most of those Democratic candidates are seeking re-election, including Mayor Muriel Bowser, D.C. Council Chairman Phil Mendelson and Attorney General Karl Racine.

One of the council members seeking re-election is Charles Allen, who usually can be spotted near the mayor when she’s holding court with the media regarding such issues as crime, economic development and that bogey man “gentrification.”

Mr. Allen is “the man” who represents Ward 6, which stretches from the Southeast/Southwest Waterfront to Capitol Hill and the Shaw neighborhood a neighborhood that was so decimated by bloodletting and violence that residents held mock carjackings. These days when lawbreakers try to take over, however, the mayor and Mr. Allen find the TV cameras to remind voters they wear the white hats around these parts.

While I suspect Mr. Allen is an ambitious politician who eventually will run for council chairman, the mayor’s office or for congressional delegate, a Republican wants to unseat him now.

That Republican is Michael Bekesha, a lawyer who works for Judicial Watch, a conservative organization that does exactly what its name implies.

I’ll let Mr. Bekesha speak for himself via a few snippets, courtesy of an interview he granted Rob Brunner of Washingtonian magazine.

“I’m socially progressive but fiscally responsible.”

“Having an R next to my name is going to be tough, but I knew that when I went into it. I’m very much unhappy with the direction of the national party. It’s become a party of personality. It wasn’t that. It shouldn’t be that.”

Mr. Bekesha also said people “assume the worst” of Republicans and “I consider myself an urban Republican, which would be very different from the national brand.”

Oh, no, here we go.

Does that mean the bourbon-drinking elephant should have ID’d himself as an urban Republican? A Republican who likes the mash-up of Democrats and Republicans like the Kavanaugh hearings? Or sour mash, the brown beverage that could be just could be making a comeback among young and millennial-age sippers?

Or is he truly a RINO, the type of Republican who is more like, say, the moderate Carol Schwartz, who the D.C. Republican Party kicked to the curb when she sought re-election in 2008?

The D.C. Republican Party never regained a Republican seat. Do they even like themselves?

The list of options can go on, with the bottom line being not one conservative candidate is in the 2018 offing.

D.C. is politically incestuous.

The jackass, in fact, no more noticed she had wedged herself between the elephant to her right and a man decked from head to toe in pink to her left.

Deborah Simmons can be contacted at dsimmons@washingtontimes.com.

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