MIKE’S LIFE: A solution to the waste and junk we produce

September 27, 2018

We have all heard the discussion about how much of a problem we have with waste and junk that we produce, with overflowing landfills and no signs of slowing down how much we consume and pitch out.

But I have a solution.

And that solution: Ketchup. Or marinara. Or that thousand island type stuff you get a various chicken finger places.

Slather some of that on various pieces of waste, and then turn loose a gaggle of teenage boys, preferably around the 3:30-4:30 hour, and they will voraciously power through anything they think might possibly be food.

I base this on the fact that I have a teenage son, and he eats roughly 450 times the amount of food I do on a daily basis. He also pals around with like-teenage boys, and they are all similar consumers. Also, if most of them stand sideways, they are about as thick as an iPhone.

Most every day when I pick my son up, he is, in his own words, STARVING!!! This is because he has often not eaten in minutes. There are a couple of food favorites on our way home from school. A Costco just opened near his school, and once he learned that he can order a slice of pizza the size of a newspaper front page and a churro for a mere $3? Sold!

Most days when we stop there, he sees quite a few of his classmates. And it’s always the starving boys, who must … get … food … soon…

Other days, he goes to his standby, which is Chick-fil-A. I usually know if he has ordered Chick-fil-A because, as I sit in carline, I get a ding in my email inbox. Hey, look, it’s an email receipt from the handy dandy Chick-fil-A app telling me an online order has been placed.

Amazingly, he has yet to ask to stop by Costco before going to pick up his Chick-fil-A.

When we get to Chick-fil-A, we need only pull into a parking spot, and they bring the order out to us. But you can see scores of lanky teen boys heading in to consume roughly their weight in mid-afternoon grub.

Not that I can pass too much judgment. When I was a lanky high school kid, I would leave school every day and we would go to Burger King. I would order two chicken sandwiches and wolf them down. My friend would do the same with two Whoppers.

Now, the idea of being given two chicken sandwiches on a Monday and being told I have to finish them by the end of the week is a daunting task.

On a related note, there is now virtually no point in me going to a buffet, as they really don’t look too kindly on you coming in and saying, “Well, that small side salad really did the trick for now. OK if I come back in three-four hours and start my next course?”

On a flip side, bringing a gaggle of teenage boys to a buffet? Might actually debilitate some restaurant’s bottom line.

So I’ll keep the bottomless pit as fed as I can for the time being. I’ll keep swinging by Costco or Chick-fil-A or wherever just to make sure he’s not STARVING!!! Maybe on occasion I’ll swing by the landfill with a bottle of ketchup and try and make a dent ...

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