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Jayme Closs Reunites With Her Aunt; The Partial Shutdown Enters Its Fourth Week; Shutdown Enters Fourth Week, Negotiations at Standstill; Beto

January 12, 2019

xfdfx THE-FIVE-01

<Show: THE FIVE>

<Date: January 11, 2019>

<Time: 17:00>

<Tran: 011101cb.258>

<Type: Show>

<Head: Jayme Closs Reunites With Her Aunt; The Partial Shutdown Enters Its

Fourth Week; Shutdown Enters Fourth Week, Negotiations at Standstill; Beto

O’Rourke Livestreams Dentist Visit Flight Attendants; Robot Hit by Self-

Driving Car on Way to Electronics Show; ‘The Five’ Answer Viewer Questions - Part 2>

<Sect: News; Domestic>

<Byline: Dana Perino; Jedediah Bila, Juan Williams, Jesse Watters, Greg


<Spec: Jayme Closs; Murder; Law Enforcement; Shutdown; Politics;

Government; Donald Trump; Budget; Immigration; Beto O’Rourke; Consumers;

Aviation; Technology; Lifestyle>


JIM ACOSTA, CNN CHIEF WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENT: Here are some of the steel slats that the president’s been talking about, right here. As you can see, yes, you can see through these slats to the other side of the U.S.-Mexico border.

But as we’re walking along here, we’re not seeing any kind of imminent danger. There are no migrants trying to rush toward this fence here in the McAllen, Texas, area. As a matter of fact, there are some other businesses behind me along this highway. There’s a gas station, Burger King, and so on. But no sign of the national emergency that the president has been talking about.

DONALD TRUMP (R), PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Thank you. Good job yesterday. I appreciate your -- salesmanship. I appreciate your salesmanship.

ACOSTA: I didn’t see -- I didn’t see an invasion at the border.

TRUMP: You didn’t. That’s because we had a wall.


PERINO: The president doesn’t miss anything.

GREG GUTFELD, HOST: Yes, you can -- you can say a lot about Donald Trump, about his character. You could say you don’t like him, you think he’s rude or impulsive. But there’s one thing. He has a master troll game.


GUTFELD: He, for that alone, deserves to be on Mount Rushmore. Because what he does is so new and refreshing to the press. And I just never get tired of it. Just writing, “Dear diary” above Jim Acosta’s tweet was priceless.

But look, to the other points before we go. Somebody mentioned political terrorism. Political terrorism is when you believe that what is worse than a humanitarian crisis where children are exploited, women are raped, and federal workers go without paychecks, what is worse than that is compromising with Donald Trump. That’s actually political terrorism.

And it’s really refreshing to see so many leftists, you know, cry racism about slowing -- slowing -- illegal immigration, not stopping it. And ignoring how the influx of the illegal immigration actually depresses wages and jobs for minorities. Somehow, they overlook that.

That’s all I got. This crisis is now a circus, and a circus has two ingredients. Right? Clowns and children. The children are the politicians. The clowns are the media. And they just indulge each other. So it’s never-ending. And you’re never going to get a solution as long as you let the media and their business model influence this issue.

WILLIAMS: All right. So the president is still in a corner, and we’ll see how it plays out.

Up next, Jesse’s got “The Fastest Seven.” You really don’t want to miss this on “The Five.”


WATTERS: Welcome back. Time for “The Fastest Seven.”

First it was Senator Elizabeth Warren’s bizarre beer-drinking live stream that had many on the Internet scratching their heads. And now it’s failed Texas Senate candidate and possible 2020 contender Beto O’Rourke’s live stream of a visit to the dentist that again has people asking, why? Take a look.


BETO O’ROURKE (D), FORMER TEXAS SENATORIAL CANDIDATE: So I’m here at the dentist, and we’re going to continue our series on the people of the border. I’m here with Diana, my dental hygienist. Diana is going to tell us a little bit about growing up (ph).


WATTERS: He went a little too far, Greg.

GUTFELD: You know what? I blame AOC. Because she has been so successful on Instagram that now everybody has -- every politician has to do it.

But nobody wants to see the inside of your mouth, including even dentists, I find, are not pleased with the inside. That’s why they get paid the big bucks.


GUTFELD: We’re not even getting paid to look into his mouth.

WATTERS: And people hate going to the dentist. No one wants to see someone --

GUTFELD: Unless you get the laughing gas.

WATTERS: Yes, that is true.

GUTFELD: Then it’s awesome.

WILLIAMS: Is that right?

PERINO: He was actually the original AOC. I mean, the reason he was able to garner all that $38 million to run against Ted Cruz is because all he did was Facebook videos and livestreamed his video.

Here’s the thing.

WATTERS: He was cooking steaks then.

PERINO: My big concern, Jesse, is that this is very unconventional, and we could be normalizing this behavior. So I’m concerned.

WATTERS: That’s true. Very unpresidential.


WATTERS: Or maybe it’s modern-day presidential. Who knows?

WILLIAMS: So this, to me, is where we are in politics today. It’s all about social media and appearing authentic and genuine, and “I’m a real guy, like you do. And you know, here I am at the dentist, and I don’t like it. And I can talk while I’ve got the stuff in my mouth,” which is amazing to me.

But I think back. I think we were talking a moment ago, Jedediah and I, about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez dancing to some music. I forget what song it was. And then, you know, initially, it was the conservatives mocking her, but then everybody came and said --

GUTFELD: No conservatives mocked her. That is a lie, Juan.

WILLIAMS: That’s not.

GUTFELD: That’s a lie. OK, find it. Please find it. It is a lie. It is a lie. Find it for us. In the break, in the break. In the break, find it.


WATTERS: We did a whole monologue on it.

Jedediah, take it away.

JEDEDIAH BILA, HOST: Yes, I think this stuff works, though. I’ve got to say.

WILLIAMS: That’s right. I think it’s authentic.

BILA: I think it really works. I think it does make them relatable. I mean, I don’t want to see anybody getting their teeth cleaned but a really funny tweet from Ben Jacobs at The Guardian, he said, “God, I hope Beto O’Rourke doesn’t need a colonoscopy any time soon.”

WATTERS: I’m going to steal that one.

GUTFELD: I’m having mine on Wednesday, by the way. It’s not a laughing matter. Everybody should get it done.


GUTFELD: I’ll be filming it.

WATTERS: All right. Please don’t.

Don’t you just love flight attendants?


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Are you telling us absolutely everything?

JULIE HAGERTY, ACTRESS: Not exactly. We’re also out of coffee.



WATTERS: So now you have the option to show them that you truly care. Frontier Airlines offering passengers the option to tip them. The sky-high gratuity running into some turbulence, though, from their union, who fear the practices will keep wages low and encourage people to treat the cabin crew like in-flight waiters.

I’m against this, Greg.

GUTFELD: Of course you are, you cheap freak. Tipping -- tipping is a transaction that makes the world a better place. You know, if you can encourage somebody to go out of their way to do something better, why not?

You don’t tip people for doing their job. You tip them for going out of their way. If they do something special like they give you a free drink, right, or they upgrade you, or they give you a better pillow. You should always -- you reward that.

WATTERS: You can tip to get an upgraded seat? Now I changed my mind. I’m into it.

PERINO: I -- I think the union has a good point about them being treated like waiters. Because they are there for your safety, as they remind you every time you get on.

The other thing is, nobody carries cash.

GUTFELD: That’s true.


GUTFELD: So maybe you give them tips as piece --

PERINO: Advice?

GUTFELD: -- like pieces of advice.

WATTERS: You know, you can stop knocking my leg with the drink cart.

All right. Go ahead, Juan.

WILLIAMS: Yes, but I mean, the -- the question to my mind is, aren’t you paying for this when you buy the tickets?

WATTERS: Yes, the prices are high.

WILLIAMS: You’re paying for a level of service. Now Spirit Airlines, I was on the Spirit the other day, they make you pay for everything. Not only additional baggage but you have to buy peanuts, cokes, coffee.

GUTFELD: They just did that to you, Juan.

WILLIAMS: It could have -- it could have been. It could have been. It could have been.

WATTERS: “I charged them for peanuts, and they bought it.”

WILLIAMS: The other part --

GUTFELD: “The guy from ‘The Five.’”

WILLIAMS: The other part of this is, hey, you know what? So somebody gets on who doesn’t have either money in their pocket or can’t afford it and they’re going to get treated worse, even though they paid the same for a seat. That doesn’t seem right.

BILA: Yes, good point.

I think people will start carrying cash, though, on planes if they know they can tip, because the service will be better. Everybody knows it. Everybody likes to get tipped. And I always tip well, because I used to be a waitress.


BILA: And that was the only money I ever made, because you get paid, basically, nothing except the tips. So now I just -- I feel sympathy, and I like everybody likes to be tipped. And if you --

WATTERS: What’s “tip well”? What, are you, 25 percent?

BILA: I tip above.

WATTERS: Twenty-five?

BILA: I tip very well. I do, because that’s the only money I ever made. I was broke, and I was, like, grateful for good tips.

WATTERS: All right. Twenty-five.

BILA: Yay!

WATTERS: I’ve got to write a book like Jedediah.

BILA: It’s very hard work to be a waiter.

WATTERS: All right. Now for some robot on robot crime. Russian robotics company Promo Boy is claiming that their autonomous robot was struck and killed by a self-driving Tesla as the metal guy was making his way to the consumer electronics show in Vegas.

Some are calling this fake news, saying it’s a P.R. stunt. Greg is actually taking a driver’s test next week.


WATTERS: So I wonder if he could drive better than a robot?

GUTFELD: I haven’t driven a car in ten years.

WATTERS: So that’s no.

BILA: Whoa.

GUTFELD: Yes, ten years. I don’t even -- I’m not even sure I will understand what’s in front of me, because cars have changed so much since the last time I drove. And the cars that I drive are old cars. The last car I drove is from 1957. So I have a car -- I have a car that has no seat belts.

PERINO: And on --

WATTERS: I’m not going to make a booster seat joke. Go ahead.

PERINO: And on Monday, we’re going to quiz you so you can get ready for your driving test.

GUTFELD: I’m taking the written exam on Tuesday. I’ve been reading the entire book. And also, a lot of -- they have, like, rules about in-line skating.


GUTFELD: I know.

WATTERS: Are you sure it’s the right book?

GUTFELD: I’ve got to study that? In-line skating?

WATTERS: All right. Stay tuned for Greg’s quiz on “The Five” on Monday.

What do you think?

WILLIAMS: Well, you know, first of all, there’s no way Greg could be a better driver than a robot, even if he hasn’t been driving. The reason we’re having this push towards self-driving cars, No. 1, is safety.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

WILLIAMS: And so it turns out robots are much better than people who drive and they’re distracted or drunk or --

GUTFELD: It will eliminate 90 percent of all accidents, self-driving.

WILLIAMS: So I don’t -- I’m not particularly comfortable getting in a car that’s controlled by a machine. But on the other hand, I read the numbers.

WATTERS: You feel more comfortable in the car with him?

WILLIAMS: Because I know him.

GUTFELD: No airbag on your side, Juan.

BILA: I just can’t believe you studied for that. I would get in the car with you. I think you did your homework. I feel like you could be a good driver. Maybe a little road rage, but that never hurt anyone.

WATTERS: All road rage.

GUTFELD: I’m a terrible passenger, I will tell you that.

WATTERS: You are -- you’re going to be the king of road rage. But you won’t get out of the car.

GUTFELD: I won’t get out of the car.

WATTERS: Very tough behind the wheel, though.

GUTFELD: And then I hope we don’t both stop at the red light together.

WATTERS: Exactly. Because you’re going to run the red light.

All right. Don’t go anywhere, Greg has got your Fan Mail Friday questions ready to go.




PERINO: That’s great music.

GUTFELD: Exactly. That was my life in the ’80s, I guess.

“Fan Mail Friday.” Stop talking, Greg.

All right. I love this question. This is from -- would you say “Cherry” or “Sherry”?

PERINO: Sherry.

GUTFELD: Sherry? Baby?

GRAPHIC: Cheri K. “A space alien arrives and says ‘Take me to your leader.’ Where do you go first?”

GUTFELD: “Space alien arrives and says, ’Take me to your leader.” Where do you go first? Jesse.

WATTERS: I’d say here he is. You met him.

WILLIAMS: You know what you can say?


WILLIAMS: You could say, “This is ‘Watters’ World.’”

GUTFELD: “Welcome to my world.” And then they kill you. And you say, “I should have said Gutfeld.”

WATTERS: That’s true.


WILLIAMS: I guess I would say Jeff Bezos.

GUTFELD: There you go.

WILLIAMS: No, I’d say Mrs. Bezos.


PERINO: I think I’m going to have to go with NYPD. Like, find any NYPD officer.

GUTFELD: That’s the practical maneuver on your part. You’re very practical today, Dana.

PERINO: That’s true.

GUTFELD: Another practical -- Jed.

PERINO: Just today?


BILA: I would go to my mom. I’m not kidding. My mom is a boss.


BILA: She’s always right. She’s listening to this now, and she’s like, “I told you so.” But no, I would go to my mom.

GUTFELD: You know who I’d go to?

BILA: She’s right too much.

PERINO: Dilbert?

GUTFELD: No, Lou Dobbs.

WATTERS: Scott Adams?

GUTFELD: Lou Dobbs.

PERINO: Dobbs.

BILA: Lou Dobbs.

PERINO: What about Scott Adams?

GUTFELD: Well, you know --

PERINO: He could persuade them not to hurt you.

GUTFELD: Yes. Scott Adams could persuade the aliens, but Lou Dobbs would put them in their place.

PERINO: That’s true.

GUTFELD: “I’m Lou Dobbs.”

All right. @FrenchiFirecracker --

GUTFELD: Oh, no.

GUTFELD: “What’s the most cringeworthy outfit you’ve ever worn?” And it can’t be the one you’re wearing today. Jed.

PERINO: Got one.

BILA: Very funny. I like this dress.

GUTFELD: Is it a magic?

BILA: Dana complimented me before the show.

Cringeworthy outfit, probably a Halloween costume.


BILA: Yes, I dressed up as Madonna one year.

GUTFELD: No, you dressed up as Batman. Do you remember that?

BILA: Batman?

GUTFELD: Or was it --

BILA: I was a cat that year. That was not Batman.

GUTFELD: That’s it. You were Catwoman.

BILA: Catwoman.

GUTFELD: That’s right.

BILA: But that was a nice costume.


BILA: Believe me, if you thought that was bad, the Madonna one was really bad. Really bad.

GUTFELD: Juan. You’ve lived through some decades. Let’s face it.

WILLIAMS: My friend Jesse gave me a cringeworthy outfit for Christmas, and I wore it. I wore it. I wore the snowflake outfit.

GUTFELD: Yes, that was nice.

WILLIAMS: To mock myself. Yes, I did.

On the other hand, I think -- I saw a picture of myself the other day in overalls when I was a softball player way back, and I had no shirt. And I thought, you know, “Why am I wearing that?” I mean, it looked great, but I’m kind of embarrassed about it.

GUTFELD: Overalls are strange if you’re not on a farm. It’s unusual, Jesse.

BILA: I like an overall.

WATTERS: I had a few cringeworthy outfits back in the day. I had, you know, the starter jackets.

GUTFELD: Why could -- you could just go back to “Watters’ World” with the collar.

WATTERS: No, those were --

GUTFELD: Upturned collar?

WATTERS: I had red Champion high-tops. But I think the most cringeworthy, there’s a picture of me with an afro and a kilt from a -- I think it was, like, 1998. I don’t think that would fly in this --


WATTERS: -- in this year.

GUTFELD: I don’t think so.

WATTERS: But yes, that’s pretty cringeworthy.

GUTFELD: Yes. Dana.

PERINO: So in third grade, my mom -- my mom, we didn’t have, like, all the fancy clothes other kids had, and she gave me these corduroys; but they were, like, the thin corduroys. And they were this ugly, like, puke brown/green color. And it was third grade, and she made me wear them to school. And I’ll -- honestly, I can remember like it was yesterday. It was so mortifying. I was really embarrassed.

GUTFELD: I can -- I had a similar -- when I was in first grade, my mother, I was the narrator for the -- what do you call the Christmas play? The nativity -- what do you call it? You know with the manger, all that stuff? I can’t remember what the --

PERINO: Jesus.

GUTFELD: Jesus. Yes. I had to do the “And the wise men came and there was no room.”

WILLIAMS: I’ve heard this story.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. I did.

BILA: Had to read the story.

GUTFELD: Yes. I had to do the narration, because I was the only one in first grade who could read. So my mom made a suit, but it was a suit with shorts. So I was up on the auditorium stage in shorts but wearing a suit.

WATTERS: I wore that on “Outnumbered” a few years ago.

GUTFELD: I think you did.

BILA: He did wear that!

GUTFELD: You know what? It was the same suit.

All right. “One More Thing,” next.


PERINO: All right. It’s time now for “One More Thing.”

I had a couple of good Samaritan videos to show you. The first one comes from Milwaukee, where this bus driver, she’s driving and she sees there’s a toddler that is walking along the highway by itself, and so she stops and goes and gets the little one --

BILA: Ohh!

PERINO: -- and makes sure that the little girl is unharmed, and she was reunited with the family. So obviously, that’s a good Samaritan act.


PERINO: And then, next act of kindness happened in Lakewood, Colorado, where three teens came to the rescue of a woman whose wheelchair got stuck in a patch of dirt off the side of the road. The boys lifted the chair out and made sure she was OK to keep going on her way. And good Samaritans like that deserve a shout-out and serve as examples for the rest of us.

GUTFELD: Why do they have to be Samaritans? Why can’t they be anybody? Gee whiz, Dana.

PERINO: Juan, help me.

WILLIAMS: All right. How about ringing in the new year with a discovery? And yes, I definitely said “ring.” Watch this.


WILL FRYE, FOUND LOST WEDDING RING: It was kind of -- looked like a doughnut hole, but it had a little shine through it.


WILLIAMS: That was Will Frye. He bought a ’72 Oldsmobile from a 93-year- old Ray Schmuecker. When he took the engine apart, he found a wedding ring that had been lost for 45 years.

BILA: Oh, my God.

WILLIAMS: Schmuecker’s late wife was angry when he lost the ring. Look at this.


RAY SCHMUECKER, SOLD CAR: I really treasured it, so my wife, she went right back to John (ph) the next day and bought another one.


WILLIAMS: So now he has two rings, and his daughter -- by the way, she’s suffering from breast cancer, which killed her mom, has taken the discovery of the ring as a sign.


ANA CABANA, SCHMUECKER’S DAUGHTER: That everything is going to be OK.



WILLIAMS: Well, good luck to you.

PERINO: Indeed.

OK, we’re going to go now to Jesse --

GUTFELD: There you go.

PERINO: -- who has a great “One More Thing.”

WATTERS: Don’t you like rotary phones, Dana?

PERINO: I used to love one.

WATTERS: I still do. And young people now, they don’t know what a rotary phone is.

GUTFELD: Great pitter-patter.

WATTERS: So this guy, Kevin Bumstead, gave a rotary phone and gave his son and his nephew four minutes to dial one number, and they couldn’t do it. Watch this.


KEVIN BUMSTEAD, CHICAGO RESIDENT: You have four minutes to dial that phone number.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So -- oh, no, zero’s over there.


What’s with all the holes, though?

If this is zero, then --


WATTERS: They couldn’t do it. The four minutes elapsed right as they got the hang of it.

But I mean, rotary phones, I like -- I like how it feels against my ear. You know what else is really nice against your ear? The sound of “Watters’ World.” Eight p.m. Eastern, we have Ron Paul, remember him?

BILA: Nice.

GUTFELD: What a great way to introduce him: “Remember him?”

WATTERS: The Mooch!

GUTFELD: He must be thrilled.

WATTERS: We always remember the Mooch. And Diamond and Silk. And of course, a porn star turned preacher, only on “Watters’ World.”

GUTFELD: It’s rarely the reverse. Although I’d watch the hell out of that.

All right. Tomorrow night, 10 p.m., “The Greg Gutfeld Show.” I’ve got David Angelo. I’ve got Jimmy Failla, Kat Timpf, Tyrus. Saturday January 12, it’s going to be great.

And now of course, you know what it’s time for --


GUTFELD (singing): Animals are great! Animals are great! Animals are great!


WATTERS: Oh, boy.

GUTFELD: Two things I really like. I like animals, and I like taking a bath. And when you put them together, there’s nothing better. Like this little guy here. He just had a bath. And he’s getting -- what do you think that is, Dana?

PERINO: I don’t know. A chinchilla?

GUTFELD: No. Close.

PERINO: Hedgehog?

WATTERS: That’s a chipmunk.

PERINO: Hedgehog?

GUTFELD: No, it’s not --

BILA: That’s not a chipmunk!

WILLIAMS: How about a squirrel?

GUTFELD: No, it’s a prairie dog. And then she stops, see, and then he gets very angry. It’s a prairie dog. A prairie dog. You can have a pet prairie dog.

Look how much he enjoys and appreciates getting touched. All animals, human and otherwise, enjoy being touched.


GUTFELD (singing): Animals are great! Animals are great! Animals are great!


PERINO: Jedediah, can you top that?

BILA: I can. This Sunday -- also quickly, I will be at Barnes and Noble in the Staten Island Mall, 2 p.m. You better come, because I need, you know, fans to show up.

Anyway, you can name a cockroach after your ex- for a dollar ninety-three. This is amazing. I think I’ll name one after Kyle.


BILA: It’s true. The Hemsley Conservation Center offering wounded lovers the chance to get back at the one that broke your heart. Less than two bucks, man. And you know what? It’s called the Bottom of the Barrel Creatures party. You get a certificate, and your ex’s name proudly displayed outside the center.

GUTFELD: Can you use Kyle’s real name?

BILA: I’m going to call him Kyle. That is his name.

PERINO: Kyle the Cockroach.

BILA: Kyle the Cockroach.

WILLIAMS: Can you smash -- you get to smash them?

BILA: No, I mean, you get to name them. So --

PERINO: Smash them with your shoe. All right, that’s it for us. See you next week. “Special Report” is up next.

Hey, Bret.

BRET BAIER, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: Thanks, Dana. Happy weekend.

PERINO: Thank you.


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