Moron of the Morning: 79-Year-Old Man Calls 911 To Complain About His Hookers

January 10, 2019

A 79-year-old Ohio man called police to complain about the quality of “sexual services” rendered by a pair of prostitutes he paid $500 to visit his home, cops report.

The septuagenarian, who lives in South Euclid, a Cleveland suburb, dialed 911 on January 3 to report a robbery. The john, identified in a police report as William Batts, said that while the hookers “did perform some sexual services,” the duo “failed to meet [his] expectations.” Thankfully, police did not further describe the elderly man’s carnal desires.

During a conversation with a police dispatcher, Batts said that he was “in the process of getting robbed” by “two ladies” who took $500 from his wallet. By the time cops arrived at the complainant’s home, the prostitutes had departed. Batts told officers that he had met the women through a friend in Cleveland. He described the hookers as “African American females, approximately 40 years old, and dressed all in black,” cops noted. One woman, Batts said, was about 5’ 7”, while the second hooker, named Keisha, “is the short fat one.”

Though the pensioner contended he had been victimized, officers explained that his unsatisfactory encounter with the women did not constitute an actual robbery attempt. While Batts appears to have admitted to solicitation of prostitution, a misdemeanor, he will not be charged in connection with his disappointing dalliance, according to a police official.

-Smoking Gun: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/sex/octogenarian-john-378529

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