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Baby quilt meant for daughter may bring back sad memories

December 22, 2018

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, my daughter got pregnant. She and her husband were overjoyed, as was I. Being a quilter, I immediately made a baby play quilt. However, before I could send it, she had a miscarriage. After that, she had another miscarriage, so I have never given her the quilt, nor have I given it to anyone else.

She and her husband divorced, and she has since remarried. They haven’t had children, nor do they want any. They are happy with their decision, and it’s fine with me.

They often entertain and sometimes small children are there with their parents. I will visit her in a couple of months, and I’m wondering if I should give her the quilt for the young ones to play with. I don’t want to open old wounds, but I’d like her to have it. Of course, this is more about her feelings than mine, but I’m unsure about what to do. I would appreciate your thoughts. -- NOT A GRANDMA IN TENNESSEE

DEAR NOT A GRANDMA: Do not surprise your daughter with the quilt. A couple of weeks before your visit, mention it to her and ask what she would like done with it. The decision should be hers. I am sure you put much love and effort into creating it, but don’t be surprised if there is so much pain associated with it that she asks you not to bring it.

DEAR ABBY: I’m an adult who had to move back home with my parents due to ill health. In the evening, we like to watch TV together. However, I often find myself hiding out alone in my bedroom because my father has the volume turned so high my ears hurt. I “jokingly” said he should get a hearing aid, but he seemed offended by the suggestion.

I would love to enjoy family time, but don’t want to have to wear earplugs every time I sit in the living room. Do you (or your readers) have any suggestions? I’m hoping he sees this because he reads your column every morning. -- TURN THE VOLUME DOWN

DEAR VOLUME: Stop dreaming. Your dad is in denial about his hearing loss and wouldn’t recognize himself in my column if you hit him with the newspaper.

Have another chat with Dad and tell him the TV volume is so loud it is painful for your ears, which is why you stay in your room rather than watch with him. The solution might be as easy as earphones for him (rather than earplugs for you) so you and your mom can enjoy the programs at a normal volume. It is also time for him to have a conversation with an audiologist, once he can finally reconcile himself to the fact that there IS a problem.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a man for a few months, and we really seem to have hit it off. I recently found out that he has been hiding some information about his home life that isn’t flattering to him. Should I tell him that I’m aware of this information or dismiss it? -- UNCERTAIN IN ARIZONA

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Do not dismiss it. Talk to him about it, if only to find out if the information you were given was accurate. (It may not be.) However, if he has deliberately misled you, recognize it’s time to end the relationship.

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