E Pluribus Chaos: Somehow, It Works. Doesn’t It?
Undated (AP) _ Putting aside for a moment all that talk about the majesty of democracy, let’s get to the bottom line. You have your winners, your losers, your goats and your Bubbas.
For instance, Mark Schwing was a winner - with a schwing 3/8 You might recall Schwing as the candidate whose name was miraculously the same as the wolf- whistle cry of the characters Wayne and Garth in the movie ″Wayne’s World.″
He tasted sweet victory on Tuesday when he was re-elected to the Yorba Linda, Calif., City Council despite the loss of most of his campaign signs to overly zealous ″Wayne’s World″ fans. ″I would like to think I would have won without Wayne and Garth, but it didn’t hurt,″ a triumphant Schwing said.
A loser? It is with no pleasure that we report that Jason Darnell, the 9- year-old candidate for Santa Cruz County supervisor in California, was unsuccessful in his first bid for elective office.
How bad was it? County election officials, a pretty grim bunch when it comes to rules, said they wouldn’t even count the votes in his write-in campaign because he wasn’t an official candidate.
Jason had campaigned right through Halloween and appeared on an Oakland TV talk show before the election, according to his aide-de-camp (and father), Larry. Larry Darnell also hinted that we haven’t heard the last of Jason.
″He did say yesterday he wants to run for president. Hopefully, he’ll grow out of that,″ he said.
The unquestionable Goat of the 1992 Election was the so-far anonymous person in Kevin, Mont., who screwed up the town’s attempt to get 100 percent voter turnout.
Kevin has 153 registered votes; 152 turned out.
″We have an idea of who didn’t vote, but we’re not saying,″ said Janell Whitt, who organized the get-out-the-vote-or-else drive. No word yet on the fate of the non-voter.
A runner-up: Crook County, Ore., which blew its opportunity to remain the sole bellwether county in the United States. Heading into Tuesday’s election, the county of 14,000 had picked the popular vote winner in every presidential election since 1884.
Carrying that legacy into the polls, Crook County voters chose President Bush.
Now, an amazing coincidence 3/8 Only one letter differentiates Crook County (Ore.) from Cook County (Ill.). And in Cook County, a.k.a. Chicago, Democratic Rep. William Lipinski ran against Republican challenger Harry Lepinske, a man who almost has the same last name 3/8
Lipinski won handily, proving either that voters can spell or that someone had to win.
But not Nick Ferrara, and it’s probably just as well. Ferrara is the Chicago Democrat who ran as a Republican for state legislature, but said he didn’t want to be on the ballot and didn’t know how his name got there.
Tip to future candidates: This is not a successful campaign tactic.
Ferrara got 8 percent of the vote.
Also in the winners-and-losers category, we have Mayor-elect Peggy King and Mayor-unelect Lewis Coker Sr. of Dixie Inn, La. They had tied 61-61 in an Oct. 3 primary, but King won a mandate for change in a stirring 17-vote victory Tuesday.
″Our town’s been at a standstill for a few years now and it needed a change,″ she said.
And what about the Bubbas?
We all know about the Big Bubba, who of course was a winner and must now be referred to as President-elect Bubba, or Mr. Bubba, Sir. But what about Joe Bubba, the candidate for Congress from New Jersey? This is a man from a state not previously known for its Bubbahood, unless you consider the recent exploits of a racehorse named Bubba Clinton, but let’s not.
Alas, Tuesday’s election wasn’t a mandate for Joe Bubba. He lost, proving something significant about the American spirit and the political viability of a man from a state where people are apt to say, ″Yo, Bubba 3/8″
We’re just not sure what.