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Alan Webber: Welcome to the Swamp

January 15, 2019

Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, the new freshmen class of U.S. senators and representatives have been officially sworn in to the Swamp to represent the best interests of the American people.

Well, one might wonder how bright-eyed the 73-year-old Indiana Republican, Jim Baird, will be, or how bushy-tailed the 77-year-old Florida Democrat, Donna Shallala, will be.

Yes, that Shallala from Bill Clinton fame, the gift that keeps on giving. Seems kind of odd people of that age group would want to wade into the Swamp, but then again, we have long established that I’m just a suspicious son-of-a-gun.

As you probably are aware, the Republican Party kept control of the Senate, but the Democratic Party managed to snatch control of the House. The media was giddy the Democrats were back in control of the nation’s checkbook. For the record, it is rather common for the president to lose the House during his first term, but to hear the media reports, it was a major rebuke of Donald Trump and all us deplorables.

Did you know the freshman class in the House includes two retired NFL football players? Anthony Gonzalez, of Ohio, formerly with the Indianapolis Colts, and Texan, Colin Allred, formerly of the Tennessee Titans, will be rubbing elbows in the Swamp, although on opposite sides of the quagmire.

Another notable to the House is Greg Pence, a Republican from Indiana. If the name sounds familiar it is because he is the older brother of Vice President Mike Pence. Not really sure what to think about that, but it is notable, and he will have Trump’s back having been involved in Trump’s election from a state level.

Proving once again, “only from California,” Gil Cisneros was elected to the House. His credentials for the job was that he won a $266 million lottery in 2010, weeks after getting laid off from Frito Lay. To his credit, he did take some of his winnings and establish endowments for scholarships. The problem with that though is white and black folks need not apply, they are for Latinos only. Wonder whose best interests Rep. Cisneros is going to represent from his Swampy position?

Krysten Sinema was elected as the first female Senator by the folks of Arizona. She also has the distinction of being the first bisexual ever elected to the Swamp. To take her oath for the seat, she placed her hand on a law book containing both the Arizona and U.S. Constitutions, rather than the Bible, as is customary. Seems she considers herself “religiously unaffiliated.”

To be fair, there is no requirement to enter the Swamp by taking an oath on the Bible. To do otherwise though, in my opinion, makes one wonder what values the newly elected might possess, why did they deliberately choose to go against the grain, and what they might be up to. There’s that darn suspicion-thing again.

Then we have the Minnesotan, Ilhan Omar, and Detroit’s Rashida Tlaib newly elected to the House as the first Muslim females to drift in the Swamp. Similar to Keith Ellison before them, they took their oaths on the Koran, the Muslim version of the Holy Bible. (Interestingly, the copy Tlaib used was from Thomas Jefferson’s original English translation.)

Seems the khimar-wearing Omar might come with some baggage. She has been accused of campaign violations, such as using campaign money to pay a divorce lawyer and acceptance of speaking fees. Of course, she denies it, but she did give the money back.

You might not recognize the name Tlaib, but I bet all of you have heard about her infamous outburst. Seems Tlaib wants Trump impeached, and she wants it right now, never mind a good reason for doing so. She doesn’t want to wait for the Mueller witch hunt report either, she wants it right now. On her very first day in Congress she attended a MoveOn.org rally, and shrieked loudly to everyone in the room, “And I said, …we’re gonna go in there and impeach the mother,” referring to President Trump.

Are we sure these are the type of folks we need basking in the Swamp?

But I saved the best for last. Having already “gifted” us Chuck Schumer in a “hold my beer moment,” New York sent us the media darling, Alexandria Ocassio-Cortez, a past political organizer, Senate staffer, and barmaid. A self-described Democratic-Socialist, the young Ms. Cortez often is confused and has no idea how to pay for her outlandish proposals. But the media loves her, much like they did Barack Obama, and you are aware of what that cost us.

Is it me, or through the mist of the Swamp, are we now starting to see the outlines of a Trojan Horse?

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