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How to Endure Loss of a Loved One at Christmas

December 25, 2018

Dear Bonnie: I know a lot of folks are hurting during this time of the year with the loss of loved ones. Can you suggest something that might help the pain of our loved ones not being here for Christmas? -- Carlene

Dear Carlene: Nothing can take away the pain we feel when we lose someone close to us in our lives, and the pain of losing parents, spouses and children can almost seem unbearable. Some want the holidays to be over as quickly as possible. We need to understand their grief. With myself, I feel like it helps to keep up the traditions and memories, as I know our loved ones are always watching from above.

Each person grieves differently, and there is not one piece of advice that can help everyone, but I can tell you what I do.

This is the first year I do not have both parents here for Christmas, and even though I know they are safe and happy, it still stings my heart that they are no longer going to be here psychically for Christmas. I am trying my best to honor them by following some of the same traditions as in years past.

Growing up in the small town of Fitzwilliam, N.H., we had the tradition of going to the candlelight service at the little church on the common. I have kept up this tradition through the years, always going back home to that same church for Christmas Eve. The pastor is always giving the same sermon each year, and there is a special poem that is said. I will share this poem with you.

By Henry Van Dyke

Are you willing to stoop down and consider the needs and the desires of little children; to remember the weakness and loneliness of people who are growing old; to stop asking how much your friends love you; and ask yourself whether you love them enough; to bear in mind the things that other people have to bear in their hearts.

To trim your lamp so that it will give more light and less smoke, and to carry it in front of you so that your shadow will fall behind you;

To make a grave for your ugly thoughts and a garden for your kindly feelings with the gate open --

Are you willing to believe that love is the strongest thing in the world -- stronger than hate, stronger than evil, stronger than death and that the blessed life which began in Bethlehem over 2,000 years ago is the Eternal Love?

Then you can keep Christmas, and if you can keep it for a day,

Why not always? But you can never keep it alone.

This simple poem I keep in the back of my Bible for it always brings me comfort in some way. The message and the feeling I receive when I read it make me want to help others more and think about me less. When we are giving of ourselves, it fills our hearts and helps to dim the pain of our losses.

I had a client recently who lost her daughter just the week before. She came through giving unending evidence that this was her coming to speak with her mom. She wanted her mom, who had already purchased her Christmas presents, to give them to someone in need. But the little girl still wanted her stocking to be hanged up on the mantel with the rest of the families. Honor your loved ones by keeping them close in your heart and at the same time knowing you are never alone. Try to keep the message of Christmas alive, for love is the greatest of gifts.

Lots of love to you all, and Merry Christmas.

Bonnie Page is a psychic medium and reiki master. She is available for private readings and Reiki sessions at Messages from Heaven Healing and Learning Center, 646 Central St., Suite 3, Leominster, or by telephone at 978-297-9790. If you would like to ask Bonnie a question for her column, email her at bonniepage@verizon.net .

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