There’s nothing like a good lie from a practiced liar
Unaccustomed as I am to patting myself on the back, I feel I must comment since a thousand grateful West Virginia employees have called and emailed me with their heartfelt thanks for getting all of them a $1,000 pay raise beginning New Year’s Day.
I’ll admit it was not easy. I appealed to Gov. Jim Justice and the legislative leaders with a stern look in my eye I ordered them to move on the pay raise request immediately.
They worked well into the night on New Year’s Eve and the governor signed the bill for the pay raise early New Year’s Day.
I’m so happy all the government people received these pay raises. After all, it is been 27 years since their last pay raise and 34 years for the teachers of this state.
At first, the government leaders offered me a pay raise of $27.50, but I held my ground and said I would accept nothing less than $1,000 while threatening to shut down all the Walmarts in the state unless they complied with my demand.
Many of those sending me thank-you emails told me they expect me to run for a high office. I realize I would be the best state leader in the history of this state, but I gracefully declined the offer.
I knew the state could afford the pay raise for all employees. Since Trump was elected, the state has become super rich. Beautiful clean coal has defeated renewable energy and is on its way to defeating natural gas.
Thanks to Trump, the state’s population has doubled and all of the newcomers are real Christian Americans, thank goodness, not none of those Muslims or Mexicans.
In fact, the proposal from Rep. Carol Miller to make the Bible West Virginia’s book will pass the West Virginia Legislature this week.
Poverty has been eliminated in Mountain Mama, no kid goes hungry and the threat of opioids has been eliminated.
So instead of trying to get me to run for an office, vote instead for the obvious savior of West Virginia.
Everything heretofore in this column is a baldfaced lie.
I can see y’all now — friends and foes alike are scratching your heads and wondering what has happened to me.
I’m just trying to make a point. To the Trumpites who have read this far should be aware that I am only doing what Trump does daily. He “lies like a rug” as my late stepmother used to say.
“Lie like a rug” is an ancient American idiom. You know you have true power when you can lie like a rug and know that while people don’t believe you, they’ll go along with what you say regardless.
It means you are powerful, but it doesn’t mean you are sane.
Trump folks cling to him as if the man who has lied more than 7,000 times in two years is going to bring this country out of the doldrums that he has made worse.
I have as much chance at putting this country on the right path with my lies as he does with his lies.
So believe me when I lie like a rug. What do you have to lose?
Dave Peyton is on Facebook. His email address is firstname.lastname@example.org.