AP NEWS

Grampo ‘sufre de’ immaculate degeneration

May 6, 2019

Nada was going right para Grampo that morning! Primero he burned sus dedos en la cafetera because he had tried de levantar el coffeepot sin usar un potholder. Next he had spilled la leche en la mesa when he tried to put the milk en su copa de café. Finalmente, he taken un biscochito and he tried to hacerlo dunk en su cafecito but he ended up mojándolo en la mustard. As he tried to scrape off la mostaza de su cookie, he murmured: “¡Ah, qué friega it is to get old!”

Just then Canutito came into the kitchen and saw que Grampo estaba batallando with everything; he didn’t like to see him struggling con todo. He asked him: “Grampo, ¿qué le pasa this morning?”

“Ai, m’hijo,” Grampo replied, “this morning I’m having a hard time seeing bien. I think que tengo de este ‘immaculate regeneration’.”

Canutito looked at Grampo todo surprised pero he couldn’t figure out lo que estaba diciéndole. He was looking todo confuso but he couldn’t say anything. Just then Grama Cuca walked into the kitchen. She had heard Grampo say que tenía ‘immaculate regeneration’. She said: “Viejo, tú no tienes ‘immaculate regeneration’. You have ‘macular degeneration’.”

“¿Qué es la diferencia, vieja?” Grampo asked her.

“ ‘Macular degeneration’ means que tus ojos están getting worse; ‘immaculate regeneration’ quiere decir que todos los días you are getting more and more pure and holy.” Then she added, “Pero I don’t think que eso es posible.”

“I could be getting más puro y santo,” Grampo Caralampio defended himself mientras que mopeaba todo el café que estaba dripping por la kitchen table.

“A couple of week ago, cuando we were singing ‘Las Posadas’ antes de Christmas,” Grampo went on, “I could read todas las words del hymn en el librito that they gave us.”

“It just so happened que there was an old script de Las Posadas lying on top of the table close to where Grampo estaba haciendo sus porquerías. Canutito fished out the booklet del coffee mess de Grampo and opened it. “See if you can read las palabras, Grampo,” he challenged him.

Canutito pointed to the first stanza de Las Posadas that said: ‘From a heavy journey, we have come distressed. Humbly we implore you for a place of rest’. He said, “Grampo, cante este verso.

Grampo began to read el primer verso de Las Posadas singing: “De larga fregada, prendidos llenamos y así exploramos para descargar.”

“You almost got it right, Grampo,” Canutito said “Pero the words are actually ‘De larga jornada rendidos llegamos y así imploramos para descansar’.”

“Ésa era una trick sentence, m’hijo,” Grampo argued. “Dame una otra.”

Canutito thumbed through the script and then he chose el verso que dice: ‘Robaros pretendo, y es el corazón, que a mi esposa amada, le déis un rincón’. He knew that in English the verse said: ‘I’ve not come to rob you. Mary, full of grace; my belovèd partner, needs but a small place’.

Pero Grampo read: “Rogaros pretendo desde el cucharón. Que a mi esposa Amalia le déis un riñón.”

“La Virgen María is not named ‘Amalia’ and she needs ‘un rincón’, viejo!” Grama Cuca scolded. “She doesn’t need ‘un riñón’! She needs a ‘corner’; not a ‘kidney’! I think que maybeyou really are suffering de ’immaculate degeneration.”

Canutito just shrugged and said: “¡Ai, Dios mío! I think que va a ser un very long Año Nuevo…”