NEW YORK (AP) _ The Subway Series was one of Darryl Strawberry's darkest moments.

The Mets and Yankees opened the World Series on Oct. 22 and Strawberry says watching the game prompted him to leave his rehab center in Tampa, Fla., and use crack cocaine _ a violation of his probation.

``I had won world championships with both teams, and I was real resentful that I put myself in position to miss it,'' he said in Sunday's New York Post. ``That would have been the best piece of the puzzle for my career.''

Strawberry has struggled with drug addiction and alcoholism, and has had two bouts of cancer. But he says he is feeling better and more upbeat than he was in November, when he told a judge he had stopped his cancer treatment and wanted to die.

``I realize it's time for me to move on,'' he told the Post. ``I have accepted that. I am no longer a ballplayer.''