Moron of the Morning: Topless Woman Busted With Wine Box

August 21, 2018

A topless 81-year-old woman was drinking from the spout of a box of Franzia Sunset Blush wine Thursday morning when Florida police arrested her for disorderly intoxication, records show.

Shirtless octogenarian Mary Ellen Stewart, cops say, was sitting on a bench “in view of the public” when they approached her around 7:40 AM. Stewart, who was on the property of a St. Petersburg hospital, had her breasts “completely exposed” and “security and nursing staff witnessed this,” a sheriff’s deputy reported in an arrest affidavit. Stewart, a deputy noted, “held the box of wine over her head and began to drink from the spout.” When officers sought to confiscate the wine, Stewart allegedly “began to shake the box intentionally towards deputies” in an attempt to splash them with the pink-hued liquid.

Charged with disorderly intoxication, a misdemeanor, Stewart was briefly booked into the local lockup (from which she was released Thursday afternoon on her own recognizance). Jail and court records reflect no prior criminal cases for Stewart in Pinellas County, where she lives in a tidy ranch home in Kenneth City, a town about 10 miles from St. Petersburg.

-The Smoking Gun

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