Ask Amy: Man wonders if his best friend is in love with him
Dear Amy: I’m a gay man. My male BFF, “Steve,” is straight. He’s been married (to women) multiple times, has children, etc. Currently, he is single. I’m also single.
When Steve gets drunk, there have been many times where he gets physically amorous (kissing me, essentially making out with me), and he gets romantically expressive: whispering in my ear how much he loves me, etc.
There’s even been some light sexual interaction.
I’m very attracted to him and he knows it because I was very honest with him when we first became friends.
As a result of that attraction, I allow him to engage in this behavior to begin with; but invariably I always stop him from escalating it — (and he’s tried), because my good sense kicks in. I don’t want him to do something he may regret while under the influence.
When he’s sober, we never talk about any of this.
Amy, do you think he is potentially in love with me? I’ve always thought he was gay/or bisexual ... or is this kind of behavior normal/common among “bros,” regardless of orientation?
Is the booze acting as a “truth serum” here, or am I reading too much into this? Should I allow him to fully escalate his affection? — Confused Gay Friend
Dear Confused: Do other friends of yours (gay and straight) aggressively hit on you when they’re drunk? I’m assuming they don’t.
Bro culture does seem to confer an arrogant privilege regarding sexual behavior, but I do feel confident observing that (while many people likely find their best friends sexually attractive), no, it is not the norm to aggressively sexually pursue your friends, sober or drunk — even among bros.
I don’t know if “Steve” is in love with you, but he is obviously sexually interested in you.
So yes, just as I become even more hilarious after a few cocktails, he is likely expressing an exaggerated, low-filter version of himself when he’s drunk.
It is not necessarily your job to protect him from his drunken choices, but because issues of consent could arise, you are wise to put a stop to his advances, certainly when he is under the influence.
What you must do now is to talk about it. Granted, this might be a tough conversation to have, but you could start by asking him a simple question: “Why do you hit on me whenever you’re drunk?”
Dear Amy: Chiming in on your poor response to “Sick at Heart,” who witnessed a child screaming and the mother screaming at him at a public bus stop.
This child could be autistic. I can’t believe you missed that. — Disappointed
Dear Disappointed: Yes, the child could have autism. If so, this should have been the first thing the adult restraining and screaming at the child could have said to explain the unfortunate situation.