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Think ’18 Was Tough?

December 31, 2018
Think ’18 Was Tough?

Wondering if things will change for the better in the New Year? Here’s a handy clip ‘n’ save Precap of news certain to occur during 2019. JAN. 1 — In a New Year’s tweet to the nation, President Trump says he has surveillance showing that Hillary Clinton is continuing to use a private email server. He vows to appoint a special prosecutor to “bring her to justice.” JAN. 3 — On “Fox & Friends,” Donald Trump Jr. discloses that he has broken up with girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle and is now dating Judge Jeanine Pirro. JAN. 27 — A Pew poll reveals that 93 percent of politicians are unaware the government has been “shut down” since December. FEB. 3 — At Super Bowl LIII, the NFL suspends 14 players for “socializing” with cheerleaders in the concussion protocol tent. FEB. 9 — Colin Jost delights “SNL” viewers with news that he is engaged to Kimberly Guilfoyle. FEB. 24 — At the 91st Oscars, Steve Carell receives the Irving G. Thalberg Award for “Most films released just before the end-of-year cutoff.” FEB. 26 — A presidential tweet warns that if the government shutdown continues, 18,000 troops might have to be withdrawn from the Mexican border. MARCH 16 — In a tearful announcement, Colin Jost tells “SNL” viewers that he is having the Kimberly Guilfoyle tattoo removed from his buttocks. APRIL 1 — President and Mrs. Trump host the third annual Trump Family April Fools Celebration. APRIL 27 — At the comedian-free White House Correspondents’ Association dinner, author Ron Chernow entertains with a gripping retrospective on “Presidential Tweets Over the Last One-Fifth of a Decade.” MAY 11 — In an interview with Matt Drudge, President Trump expresses frustration that the Mueller investigation has continued unabated despite the government shutdown, asking, “Is George Soros secretly funding this guy?” MAY 26 — The New York Times raises the price of its Sunday edition to $29.95 (higher in outlying areas). JUNE 12 — At a “Show of Unity Conference,” Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Joe Biden, Gavin Newsom, Kamala Harris and 14 other Democrats announce they are each entering the 2020 presidential race. JUNE 13 — The White House unveils a national MAGA hologram tour, featuring a virtual President Trump and music by Elvis. JULY 4 — At a Fourth of July celebration in Bedminster, N.J., Donald Trump Jr. surprises family with news that he is engaged to Fox host Laura Ingraham. JULY 22 — CNN formally changes its name to BNN: Breaking News Network. According to a spokeswoman, “We believe everything we report is breaking, no matter when it happened or how trivial it might be.” AUG. 2 — Walmart begins its Black Friday Christmas sale. AUG. 28 — Kirsten Gillibrand, Cory Booker, Amy Klobuchar, Chuck Schumer and LeBron James declare they are seeking the Democratic presidential nomination. SEPT. 10 — President and Mrs. Trump host a White House dinner to celebrate National Hashtag Day. OCT. 7 — Netflix announces that all of its series will be released in convenient three-minute episodes to facilitate bingeing. OCT. 24 — Two dozen more hopefuls, including James Comey and the comedian Carrot Top, say they are seeking the Democratic presidential nomination. NOV. 28 — Declaring “No one is above the law,” President Trump refuses to pardon the White House turkey. NOV. 29 — President and Mrs. Trump fly to Mar-a-Lago to celebrate Black Friday. DEC. 2 — The Washington Post quotes sources as saying the Mueller investigation is entering its “final phase” and “should be completed by early 2021.” DEC. 10 — Amazon introduces a team of leading astronomers who will select a planet for its first extraterrestrial headquarters. DEC. 31 — In a New Year’s Eve tweet to the nation, President Trump vows: “The fake government shutdown will not be allowed to disrupt our beautiful 2020 campaign!”

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